Fox's Eating Habits
by Kal Ancalas
Summary: From the author of the Fox, Roy, Yoshi series and the story Yoshi 007, comes another short humor story in the universe of Super Smash Bros. Melee. It's about Fox, as you might expect. COMPLETED
1. Chapter 1

Fox's Eating Habits, Introduction

Kal Takane Veras, 7/31/2005

Author's Note: I am having writer's block on Fox, Roy, and Yoshi, and Yoshi 007 as well. Here's a little something for you to chew on (pun intended) while you wait for that stuff. It's about Fox, as the title suggests.

Important notes:

-Fox, Roy, and Yoshi are still best buddies in this story, for those nostalgic Fox, Roy, and Yoshi fans.

-Bowser is still a vile cholesterol thief. It adds depth to the story.

-Fox, Roy, and Yoshi are not rich in this story. Sorry, but you can't have your cake and eat it, too.

-This will be a separate series from the Fox, Roy, and Yoshi series.

-This is still a humor story. Fun.

-The next Fox, Roy, and Yoshi story will be made of recycled plots. (If you read my original story, The Weird Exploits of Fox, Roy, Yoshi, and Others before it was deleted by you-know who, it will be familiar.) By the way, TCK will not be in it this time around.

-Enjoy the story, and please review. Review me like. If you no review, me get mad. And if me get mad, story go boom. Hehehe.

Thanks,

Kal


	2. Chapter 2

Fox's Eating Habits, Part I

Kal Takane Veras

Author's Note: When you see this: (Divider) that means there should be a divider at that point.

(Divider)

Fox awoke from a nap with a stomachache. "Uggh, never eat 10 bean enchiladas in a row…I shouldn't have made that bet with Falco." He stumbled off to the bathroom.

PHHHTT!

"AGH!" Fox screamed, clawing blindly at the door, noxious odors filling his nose.

"Ugh." Falco muttered, coming into Fox's room. "Never eat 9 bean enchiladas in a row…" He tried the bathroom door and Fox shot out like a furry missile.

PHHHTT!

"Oh, shiitake mushrooms!" Fox screamed as Falco's colonic prowess overwhelmed him.

(Divider)

Fox went off to his monthly Smasher examination from Dr. Mario.

"Fox McCloud, you have a problem." Dr. Mario stated.

"What! Does my appendix need to be removed? Do I have cancer?" AHH!" Fox ran around the room upending things and crashing into the walls.

"Well, actually, you have the same problem as most of the American population. You are obese."

"Does this mean I need surgery?" Fox said.

"_No, _it means you're fat. Foxes are supposed to run around, eating mice and rabbits and getting lots of exercise. However, you lounge around and eat burgers, fries, and-"

PHHHTT!

"Bean dip." Fox finished for him.

"Yes, well, you really must change your diet before you become morbidly obese." Dr. Mario said.

"What?" Fox yelped. "Will I get cancer?"

"Shut up about cancer. You probably don't even know the meaning of the word."

"Oh yeah? It's a disease where your body inflates like a balloon and you die of malnutrition because you can't supply your body with enough food!"

"Do you lose oxygen to your brain whenever you fly a plane?" the doctor muttered.

"Yeah, whatever. Listen, I'm going to Burger King to get a Whopper. See you later."

"He doesn't get the point." the doctor muttered as Fox rushed out.

(Divider)

"Well, he does have a point." Yoshi said to Fox. "You are bigger than any fox I've ever seen on National Geographic…"

"Pshaw. I'm just big-boned." Fox said, flexing a muscle.

"Since when are bones suddenly all flabby?" Roy said, rubbing Fox's "bones."

"…Shut up."

"Fox, we're your friends and you know we wouldn't want anything to happen to you. Come on, we'll show you the benefits of actual food." Yoshi said.

"Oh…sure."

(Divider)

"This is a pineapple, Fox. It is a fruit. A fruit is a type of food that is sweet and healthy. It has vitamin C which protects you from certain diseases."

"Oh, yeah, pineapple. I drink a whipped cream and pineapple smoothie twice every day. Nice and sweet!" Fox said, smacking his lips. "5 pineapple juice!"

"…Ok. Let's move on to something different. This is a piece of broccoli. It is a vegetable. It is nice and tasty and it protects you from cancer. Since that is the only word you understand, 'cancer'."

"Cancer? Oh, no!" Fox yelled. He snatched the broccoli from Yoshi's hand and gulped it down.

"See? Nothing to it." Yoshi said to Roy.

"PLSST!" Fox choked up the broccoli again, spattering Yoshi and Roy with bits of broccoli and saliva.

"ARGH! VILE WEED!" Fox screamed. (Stolen from _Seinfeld_, you may have noticed.)

"Nothing to it. Sure." Roy dryly said.

(Divider)

"This is a donut, Fox. It's okay to eat one or two, but you shouldn't eat-"

SNORT! GULP! MUNCH!

"-the whole box." Yoshi and Roy collapsed into chairs.

"All right. There will be an embargo of donuts coming into this mansion. Fox, you are forbidden to eat donuts until you lose weight."

"NOOOO!"

(Divider)

"Fox, I'm glad to see you're not eating any more donuts." Roy said the next day.

"Of course."

(Divider)

Falco sat down next to his bed. "Ahh. A nice afternoon snack." He reached into his private locked drawer and pulled out…

"HEY! Where are those cream donuts I saved from breakfast!" Falco screamed through the halls.

(Divider)

"Hi, Fox." Yoshi said. "I borrowed this instant weight-o-meter from Dr. Mario. Let's see your weight…" He thrust the device down Fox's shirt.

"Aigh! Private space!" Fox yelped.

"Hmm, you lost 0.000000342 pounds. Not bad. But you have to cut down on your fat intake."

"Right. How do I do that?"

"Cut down on the bean dip, Fox."

"Bean dip? I didn't have any bean dip." Fox said, an innocent smile on his face.

PHHHTT!

"That had "Fox" written all over it." Yoshi said. "Look, it's not so bad. All you have to do is eat a little less."

"Huh?"

"Ok, let me tell you a story. There was a bear and a tiger living in a cave. The bear always ate a lot. The tiger ate just enough to fill his stomach. This continued every day, and the bear grew old, fat and weak. The tiger grew old too, but he grew strong and lean. One day, the tiger ventured out to hunt, but when the bear followed, he got his fat body stuck in the entrance of the cave and had no strength to get out. He died a painful and hungry death. The end."

"But why didn't the tiger feed his friend?" Fox asked.

"Um, the tiger didn't want anything to do with a fat lump."

"But at least the bear led a nice satisfying life." With that, Fox walked away.

"He doesn't get the concept." Yoshi muttered to himself.

(Divider)

"Fox! Want to hear something cool?" Roy asked his friend.

"What?"

"I read if you eat a lot of carrots, you will turn orange."

"I already am orange." Fox said, ruffling his fur.

"Oh. Well, I also read that if you eat enough asparagus, your pee will turn different colors."

"Why would anyone want green pee?"

"Er… because it's cool?"

"Ugh! Why is that cool? It's disgusting! It's not like you're going to pee in front of people and show them!"

"…Well, just try it."

"Never! I refuse to degrade myself for the sake of nutrition!"

(Divider)

"All right. We'll cut these carrots into strips and serve them in place of his French fries, ok?" Roy said.

"Sure." said Yoshi.

Later, at dinner…

"Ugh. These French fries don't taste good. I won't eat these again!"

"Nice." Roy winked at Yoshi.

"I'll have to eat more burgers to make up for this." With that, Fox began shoving hamburger into his mouth.

"What are the odds of the soybean burgers working?" Yoshi muttered to a sheepish Roy.

"Yes, dessert!" Bowser yelled, leaping on the chocolate éclairs.

Fox reached for an éclair, but suddenly remembered the story about the tiger and the bear.

"I better take more." Fox picked up three.

"No, Fox! Those are mine!" Bowser yelled.

"MINE!" Fox screamed.

The other smashers watched in horror (and in Pichu's case, delight) as Fox and Bowser tumbled over each other, fighting over the éclairs.

"Die, you jerk! If anyone didn't deserve éclairs, it would be you!" Fox screamed.

"Oh, yeah? Well, I'm not the one who ate all the bean-"

PHHHTT!

At that precise moment, Master Hand came in.

"I'm not even going to ask." he said sardonically.

(Divider)

Zelda was reading a magazine in bed.

"Hey, this is a great plan, it's perfect for all the fat people in here, especially-(here memories of the food fight earlier washed up) those two!"

She jumped out of bed and headed toward the kitchen.

TO BE CONTINUED…(review hint hint)


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Two

Author's Note: A lot of you enjoyed "Yoshi 007" a lot, so thanks for that. As a treat, I'll put a tiny (and I mean tiny) sneak peek of the next chapter of "Yoshi 007" for you at the end of this chapter. Oh, by the way, this story is almost finished. Just one more chapter!

Now, I probably don't have to say this again, but review, or I'll get really mad and break random things, and you wouldn't want to see that, would you? Of course not. So PLEASE review!

And finally, I apologize in advance to any vegetarians out there. If you like soybean products, that's your preference, not mine. I just don't and thought it would be a good subject for a joke.

(Divider)

Fox woke up from a nap. "Hmm. I smell beans…and not the bean dip kind." He stumbled off to the dining room.

When Fox entered the dining room, Zelda was looking happy, Link was looking happier, Yoshi was looking the happiest, and everyone else was looking…well, for lack of a better word, absolutely f(bleep)ed up.

"What's going on, and what is that revolting stink?" Fox asked Roy.

"That, my friend, is Zelda's idea when you and Bowser had a little éclair fight yesterday." Roy responded sullenly. "Now, she's replaced all of the food with soybean substitutes, and it smells awful-"

Link glared at Roy.

"Awfully good!" Roy said quickly.

"It can't be all that bad." Fox said. He took a soybean sausage and put it into his mouth.

What occurred in the next minute would probably cause you to lose your lunch, as well as every other item you've ever eaten, so I won't describe it in full detail. Know only that something came out of Fox's intestines, went out his mouth, and splattered all over the table.

(Divider)

'I can't stand this.' Fox thought to himself.

"I have to go to the bathroom." Fox announced. He left the table.

"Now, for a little snack." Fox said. He sneaked over to the fridge, and opened the door to find…

"Game and Watch?" Fox yelped. "What are you doing in the refrigerator?"

"Freezing, you idiot. Get me out of here."

Fox yanked G&W out of the fridge and began to scavenger through it.

"Yes! Bean dip!" Fox exclaimed, clutching a box in his hands.

"Fox…"

"What?"

"That's Dr. I. D. Iots' 100 percent soybean dip, and it tastes like…well, something that begins with the letter 's' and has four letters."

"Fine. I'll just have plain chips." Fox snatched a bag out of the cupboard.

"Fox…"

_"Whaat?"_

"Those chips are made with soybean flour."

"Darn it! Fine, I'll have a milkshake."

"Fox…"

**"WHAT!"**

"That milkshake is made with soy milk."

"Is there anything in this fridge that's not made with soybeans?"

"If there was, I ate it." G&W said.

Fox sighed. "I'm going to Falco's room."

(Divider)

Falco sighed. "Oh well, at least I still have a nice, nourishing supply of Oreos and potato chips in my secret drawer." He pushed a button on the wall, entered a code, and found…crumbs.

(Divider)

Ness and Pichu were building a house, or rather, a castle of cards.

"Just one more and we'll break the world record!" Pichu squeaked excitedly.

As Ness placed the final card on top of the behemoth…

"HEY! WHERE ARE THOSE SNACKS I SAVED FOR EMERGENCIES!" someone roared. (You won't need to guess who that is.)

The card tower collapsed, and Ness and Pichu began crying. Aww, Fox made some kids cry. I hope he's happy.

(D I V I D E R)

After a week of unbearable torture, Fox, Roy, and Yoshi were lying on the couch watching the news. Roy and Yoshi were unbearably thin, but Fox, somehow, was still…Fox.

"In other news," the reporter continued, "there have been reports of a masked burglar breaking into stores such as A&P and Pathmark and demanding that the cashiers hand over the bean dip, corn chips, and cream donuts. The thief was armed with a laser blaster and had pointed ears and a fuzzy tail. If you know who this is, please call 1-800-IJUSTWITNESSEDACRIMESOIMCALLINGTOGETAHUGEREWARD and you will get a large reward."

PHHHHTTT!

"I was just leaving." Fox said as he zipped away under Roy and Yoshi's suspicious eyes.

(Divider)

Disclaimer: I do not encourage you to steal from stores. That is very bad and will most likely end with you getting put in jail. I am only adding this act for the sake of comedy. (I sound so serious…) And don't do drugs either.

"Fox?"

"Go away."

"It's Roy and Yoshi."

"All right, come on in."

"Fox, you stole those snacks, didn't you!" Yoshi gasped.

"Well…there are lots of people who have laser blasters and have pointed ears and a long, fuzzy tail!" Fox yelled.

"Fox, I know you're suffering. We all are. But that's still no reason to go steal the food of innocent, paying, members of society. There are people that would give their left arm to have this kind of food, so- just don't steal!"

"I also pilfered some white-chocolate chunk vanilla ice-cream." Fox said, taking out a bucket from under his bed. (I don't know if that flavor exists, but if it does, tell me where I can buy it.)

Roy and Yoshi looked at the bucket of ice cream. They looked at each other.

"Do you have an extra spoon, Fox?" Yoshi asked.

"Or two?" said Roy.

"What happened to stealing from society?" Fox asked.

"Ah, it can wait. JUST GIVE ME THAT ICE CREAM!" Roy yelled.

"It's okay. I've got three." Fox said, pulling out more buckets.

(Divider)

"Fox, you seem a bit…" Dr. Mario said.

"Obtuse?"

"No, it's called obese."

"Am I going to get cancer?"

"No, but you will get a heart attack, high blood pressure, malnutrition, etc, etc. All of those are bad."

"I didn't eat anything bad!"

Dr. Mario looked Fox in the eye.

"All right, I ate some chips and donuts. Happy?"

PHHHTTT!

"And some bean dip."

"Just start eating more healthy, McCloud. That's all I can tell you."

(Divider)

"How can I eat more healthy?" Fox asked his pals before dinner.

"Do mine ears deceive me?" Roy said, while Yoshi snickered. "Fox McCloud wants to eat healthy?"

"I'm serious!" Fox said.

Roy and Yoshi began ROTFL. (Rolling on the floor laughing. As if you didn't know.)

"Really!" Fox yelled.

"Fox, stop!" Yoshi said, laughing. "You're making me LMAO!" (I don't need to tell you what that means.)

"REALLY!" Fox screamed.

A few crickets chirped.

(Divider)

A few crickets chirped.

(Divider)

A few crickets chirped.

(Ten dividers later)

"Fox…you're serious?" Roy asked.

"Yes."

Roy and Yoshi began ROTFL again.

(A LOT of dividers later)

"Fox, you really must eat fruits and veggies." Roy said. "Now, here's a fruit bowl. Eat all of this and we'll check on you."

(Divider)

Roy and Yoshi peeked into Fox's room.

"Yuck." Roy said.

"Well, at least he's eating them, right?" Yoshi responded.

"Perhaps, but I don't dip my banana in ketchup before I eat it." Roy muttered.

(Divider)

"Fox, this is broccoli. It's a vegetable. Now eat it, and please don't choke it back up again."

Fox looked at the broccoli, tore a small piece off it, and put it in his mouth.

"Not bad." Fox said. "I WANT MORE!" Fox then devoured the whole broccoli.

"Wait…something's wrong." Roy whispered to Yoshi.

"Yeah…Where'd you get this broccoli?"

(Divider)

Ness, Pichu, and Young Link were sitting in Ness's room.

"I got a candy broccoli and the candy store. It looks like broccoli, but it's actually made of sugar that's thickened with green dye to make it look and feel like broccoli!"

Each of the three kids took a head of the "candy" broccoli.

"Ness, this doesn't taste like sugar." Pichu said, just before he vomited.

"It tastes like-BLAUUGH!"

(Divider)

"We'll never get him to eat good food." Roy said to Yoshi.

"He'll probably stay fat forever." Yoshi said back.

Fox heard this, and weighed himself.

"150 pounds? I don't think that's normal, even for a fox."

Fox looked in the mirror, and he did indeed look a little…well, chubby.

"NOOOO! If I wish to stay handsome, I must make a great sacrifice!"

Fox took his blaster from his pocket, and shot several holes in the corn chip bag. He then destroyed the bean dip, and destroyed all of the donuts.

"I must eat the vegetables!" Fox said as he slunk off to the kitchen. He then found a REAL broccoli and began chewing on it.

"Pleh." Fox said. "This broccoli didn't taste like sugar and artificial coloring." He was about to throw the broccoli into the garbage when he caught sight of himself in a glass bowl.

"But, I shall one day conquer the broccoli!" Fox yelled as he brought the broccoli to his room for closer inspection.

**Will Fox ever conquer the evil broccoli? You'll have to find out in the next and last chapter of Fox's Eating Habits! REVIEW!**

Now, here's a little sneak peek of chapter 7 of "Yoshi 007", just like I promised. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

"London is such a big place." murmured Pikachu. "I wonder if they have any good martinis?"

"Pikachu, we're going to rescue Fox, Roy, and Yoshi. So keep focused." said G&W. He took out his tracker. "There's a distress signal coming from over there. To the northwest."

"That's where Bowser said he got the distress signal from, according to these coordinates." Marth said.

"Come on." G&W said. He and his fellow operatives raced to the mansion.

A bit later…

"Here we are." Marth said as he pounded the doorbell. A butler answered.

"Yes?"

"We're looking for someone in here."

"You-" The butler pulled out a gun, but Pikachu quickly slammed into his head and he fell down.

"Let's go." Pikachu said. He snatched the butler's fallen gun and raced forward.

No sooner had Pikachu opened the next door, however, that a dagger shot at him, missing him by a few millimeters. Pikachu's heart leaped into his throat.

"Apparently, this place isn't very welcoming to people." G&W said.

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

**__**

Fox's Eating Habits

The FINAL Chapter!wOOtLOLOMGWTFXD111111oneoneone!

Author's Note: You've been asking for it, and here it is! The conclusion of Fox's Eating Habits! Packed with 150 percent more laughs, idiocy, and evil broccoli, and low fat and cholesterol! (Only 0 grams per serving)

(said really fast) Side effects may include loss of intelligence, excessive head-scratching, and laughing until you vomit. It is recommended that people with heart, lung and brain conditions should not read this story. Please consult your doctor before reading this story. Thank you.

-Kal

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Roy and Yoshi sat down to have a snack.

"What's Fox doing?" Roy asked Yoshi as he opened a bag of chips.

"Examining the broccoli." Yoshi said, peeling a banana.

"How long has he been in there?" Roy asked.

"At least three days." Yoshi said.

"How is he getting food?" Roy asked.

"I don't know…but at least he's not eating the broccoli." Yoshi said.

The two of them laughed.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hello, Pizza Hut? I'd like a large pepperoni and sausage pizza, and a 20-liter of Coke. Just deliver it to the window. Yeah, sure. Okay, bye." Fox turned off his cell phone.

"The first person that finds a use for broccoli," Fox said, as he put on surgical gloves, "will become a very rich person." He took a scalpel. "Imagine, all the broccoli growing like weeds, and no one knowing what to do with it."

Using the scalpel, Fox sliced off a cross section of broccoli and put it under a microscope. Examining the broccoli, he recorded his observations in a notebook.

"Green…ugly…and obviously evil." Fox said, noting all the important details. "It will be very difficult to convert this demonic piece of (censored) into something palatable, but I, Fox McCloud, shall do it! I shall find a use for broccoli!"

"Hey, you! Shut up and give me $19.95 for your pizza!" someone yelled.

"All right!" Fox yelled. Climbing out the window, he handed the guy a 20 dollar bill and took the pizza.

"Hey! You forgot the tip!"

Fox threw a carton of eggs at the delivery boy and shut the window, ignoring the death threats and obscenities that issued from down below.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Eureka!" Fox yelled at 3:36 A.M. in the morning. "I HAVE DISCOVERED A USE FOR BROCCOLI!"

"SHUT UP!" 24 other angry voices yelled.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"My theory is that since everything tastes better deep-fried, I have decided that deep-fried broccoli will be the next big snack in America!" Fox declared.

"Yeah…sure. Can we go back to sleep?" a tired Roy and Yoshi mumbled.

"NO! Not until you test my hypothesis!" Fox screamed. He sliced the broccoli in half, dipped it in flour, and fried it over his Bunsen burner. He handed the broccoli to Roy and Yoshi. "EAT!"

Roy and Yoshi shot glances at each other.

"Ah well. Down the hatch." Roy and Yoshi each took a big bite of Fox's concoction.

Fox recorded their reactions in his notebook.

"Let's see. Test subjects…turning green…retching, clutching at stomach…hey! HEY! AGGHH! THAT WAS MY BRAND NEW CARPET!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"The experiment was a failure." Fox muttered as he poured vinegar on his carpet. "But I shall not be discouraged by a minor setback!" He began to scrub his carpet. "Ugh. It was cashmere, too."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"EUREKA!" Fox screamed at 3:22 A.M. in the morning. "I HAVE DISCOVERED ANOTHER USE FOR BROCCOLI!"

"SHUT THE (censored) UP!" 24 other voices yelled.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Deep-fried broccoli may have been a failure. However, BAKED BROCCOLI shall be the next biggest food fad!" Fox proclaimed. He whipped out a tray of his new culinary experiment. "EAT!"

"Do we have to?" Yoshi said, rubbing his eyes.

"YES!" Fox roared.

Roy and Yoshi each took a wrinkled head of baked broccoli, and put it in their mouths.

Fox recorded their reactions in his notebook.

"Let's see. Test subjects…retching…gasping for air…coughing…hey…HEY! I JUST DID THAT LAUNDRY!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"It seems that this vegetable specimen is very resistant to edibility." Fox muttered. "All scientists go through setbacks." He threw clothes in the laundry machine. "It never fails. I just washed this load."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"EUREKA!" Fox yelled at 3:09 A.M. in the morning. "I HAVE FINALLY DISCOVERED A USE FOR BROCCOLI!"

"FOX, I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!" 24 other voices screamed.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"The first two times, I have failed. But today, I shall succeed! Behold! BROCCOLI ICE CREAM!" Fox yelled.

Roy and Yoshi moaned. "Fox, you don't have to take this so seriously."

"EAT!" Fox yelled.

Roy and Yoshi each took a bite as Fox recorded their reactions in his trusty notebook.

"Let's see…test subjects turning red…groaning…ugh. Oh well, at least it was Falco's bed."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fox sighed. Pieces of broccoli littered the floor around him. "I may never find a use for broccoli." Just then, an idea occurred to him.

"One more try." Fox said as he cooked his new invention in the oven.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"All right." Fox thought as dinner approached. He took out his creation.

"Fox…what is that?" Roy asked.

"Pie." Fox said. He took out the huge pie and sliced it into 25 neat pieces.

"What's it made of?" Yoshi asked.

Fox did not answer that question.

Just then, they heard a scream.

"HEY! WHO VOMITED IN MY BED!" Falco screamed.

Everyone exchanged curious looks.

Roy took a bite of the pie. "Not bad." He took another. "Actually, it's quite nice."

All the Smashers murmured in agreement as they devoured the pie.

Fox smiled to himself. "I think I may finally have found a use for broccoli."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ahh." Fox sighed with happiness. "I finally have all the money to buy whatever I want."

"Really?" Roy and Yoshi asked with interest.

"Look." Fox gestured to a building behind them. It read: **_THE McCLOUD PIE FACTORY_**

"Oh."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Meanwhile, somewhere near the planet Saturn)

"GRRR!" Emperor Brocolinus growled. "How dare this filthy being destroy our descendants and sell them as PIE! I SHALL GET MY REVENGE!"

"Sir, remember your blood pressure!" a head of broccoli stammered.

"Shut up, Advisor Vitaminus!" Emperor Brocolinus yelled. "Set a course for Earth! We will teach this furry menace not to mess with our vegetable descendants!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fox was drinking a soda in his office when suddenly…

BOOM!

Two evil broccolis blew down the door and pointed broccoli-powered ray guns at our protagonist.

"Surrender, scum!" one broccoli yelled.

Fox raised his eyebrows. After all, he had seen stranger things.

(Flashback)

"You ain't nothing but a hound dog…" Elvis Presley sang.

"Oh my god!" Fox screamed. "ELVIS IS ALIVE!"

Elvis turned around, saw Fox, and then morphed into a tomato.

"O…kay."

(End Flashback)

"Bob, John, it isn't Halloween." Fox said. "Now get back to your pie-making stations."

One of the broccolis shot at Fox, but missed and burned a hole in the wall.

"Hey! I just had that put up!" Fox muttered. Looking around the room, he did the only thing he could do…

Which was to jump out of the window.

"AAHHH!" Fox screamed as he plunged toward the ground.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Fox?" two voices said.

"Roy? Yoshi? What happened?" Fox muttered.

"Well, you jumped out of a one-story office building and thrashed around in holy pain for a while."

"Evil broccoli!" Fox screamed.

Roy and Yoshi looked at each other.

"That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever-"

A laser hit the ground at Roy's feet.

"Ok."

"How do we stop the evil broccoli?" Yoshi asked.

"Well, to be frank, I'm running out of ideas." Fox said.

"Let's eat them!" Roy said.

"That sounds like the kind of idea an author would use in a short junky story when he's running out of ideas and needs to end the story quickly!" Fox said.

Roy raised his eyebrows.

"On second thought, that seems like a good idea." Fox quickly said.

Fox, Roy, and Yoshi then focused their sight on the rows and rows of evil broccoli that surrounded them, knowing, that in order to save the universe, they would have to consume all the frightful vegetables that lay before them.

"Let's go." Fox said.

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**PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT**

The following scenes have been cut from this story, because they contain extreme violence, gore, language, and thematic moments. It is strongly recommended that you refrain from reading this story and instead run away screaming in the opposite direction.

Don't do drugs either.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

"I'm full." Fox moaned, massaging his stomach.

"Me too." Roy groaned.

Yoshi said nothing.

Just then, Emperor Brocolinus appeared.

"You may have eaten my army, but you cannot defeat me! I am Emperor Brocolinus, King of all Broccoli! Now, bow before my wrath before I smite you with the powers of vitamin C! Muahaha!"

A strained look appeared on Yoshi's face.

"Uh-oh." Fox and Roy said.

"NO, YOSHI! NO! DON'T-"

PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!

The resulting shockwave from Yoshi's rectal explosion deafened everyone within a mile's radius and vaporized Emperor Brocolinus into a little pile of green ash.

Fox's fur and Roy's hair were charred.

"Yoshi?"

"Yes?"

"Most stories don't end with the bad guy being killed by a fart."

"I had to improvise."

Fox and Roy stared at Yoshi as the sun set over the horizon.

**THE END…?**

_Could there be someone or something else lurking out there? Will the saga of the evil broccoli continue? And will Falco get pissed off even more? Stay tuned for the sequel: Fox's Eating Habits II: Revenge of the Evil Broccoli!_

-Kal


End file.
